Tuesday, November 15, 2011


Okay. I'm off the roof. Finally. Oh sweet Jesus I missed carpet.

Made one too many jokes about Slender wearing an apron/dress/tampon while Matt and Lya were out. Fucker wasn't pleased. I've been up there scraping my ass on the shingles since 3-O-FUCKING-CLOOOOOOOCK.

Rake would've fetched help but he still has a nasty limp from our run in with ///It/// so I was up there for awhile...


Goddamned Eldy bastard thinking He owns the place.




Ohshit nonononono I done goofed shit He's got my Pokemon Sapphire Code fucking Custard


Okay crisis averted.

Shit. It's been like a fucking hour where the hell are the big kids.

-the most pissed off blogger in the fucking multiverse

Friday, September 30, 2011

Quick update

Well fook me but my iPhone won't let me color the text. Dammit we actually have to say who we are beforehand now DAMN.

Well ladies and gents this is your lovely host Sandy who is more sickly than ever today, courtesy of not chronic Slendersickness but undead my fucking sinuses which appear to have given up on me like everything else in my damn stupid head. Sorry if I start with the rambling but Sandra and cough syrup cocktail dun really play niiiiiice.

So our bastard computer decided to have a giraffe on us meaning I have to do everything from the iPhone the big kids got for my birthday last week. While that's made reading RHU so much easier, it's made Tumblr sadface somehow. Thankfully I saved my fucking gif folder this time because it looks like we'll have to wipe the computer's ass ourselves.

Hokai I gotta go Rake is staring longingly at my new Pokemon Sapphire because it's been more than seven whole hours since I last played and so help me God I WILL get that Magikarp to not be useless sushi by tonight.
Alright here's hoping Hussie doesn't update before we fix the 'puter.

And remember kiddies, wrap your pecker before you deck her,


Sunday, September 18, 2011

What Went Down

So the last update before the fight was me grabbing a knife and running outside. That's the point when I started getting nervous we wouldn't be posting anymore. It was insane.

I started ramming the front door, and I guess the chair Matt and Lya wedged against it was rickety as hell because it only took about a minute for it to shatter. I got outside and damn near shat the eastern seaboard.

Slender and ///It/// were having the most intense and furious fight I've ever seen in my life. The static noises were almost a loud as a sonic boom, it was horrible. Matt and Lya were on either side shooting at ///It/// hoping for a distraction to give Slender an edge. Rake was lying on the ground behind Lya nursing what looked like a broken back leg. Finally, ///It/// did get distracted.

By the idiot human girl who stepped out of the safety of the house.

///It/// fucking lunged at me.

Matt and Lya didn't even get a chance to scream before Rake caught up and bit down on ///It///'s hand. I swear I heard a furious roar.

The best part: ///It/// bled.

They bleed.

This foul smelling black liquid starting gushing out. Rake hurt ///It///. I wanted to hug him.

Even moreso when ///It/// ripped him off and flung him at a tree, resulted in a horrific yelp of agony and the snapping of tree limbs and bones. Rake blacked out.

The humans all got pissed.

I threw the knife at ///It///, just barely hitting a shoulder but leaving not even a minor scratch.

Slender picked it up and flung the knife at ///It///'s head. Hit square between where the eyes would be, set off another waterfall of Eldy blood. It was serious, but apparently not fatal, because ///It/// still tackled Slender and started tearing into Him. He pulled out the knife and began stabbing. ///It/// finally got the hint that we were far from playing around and now knew that ///It/// could be hurt, and darted off.

No humans were hurt, but Rake had several snapped ribs and a broken leg, and Slender's suit was ripped to pieces revealing several oozing gashes. We made a stretcher out of bed sheets to carry in Rake while Slender stayed outside waiting for the wounds to close up and wash Himself off.

We treated Rake, got him all wrapped up, then went outside to get some samples of the blood.

Good God the smell of it. Like old copper and gasoline. And it was ink black. But other than that, almost exactly like human blood. Warm, slightly slick, easily washed out of the grass with the hose. The grass where it was didn't die, and it didn't leave ugly stains. It was disturbing how similar it was to normal blood.

Rake has been sleeping on the couch. I brought out my fishbowl and sat it on the end table so he can watch Pudge swim. He likes watching him swim. He'll be okay. We know that now, but last night we were panicking. He jumped in to save me and got fucked up for it.

Good zombie puppy. Best zombie puppy.

Slender's wounds closed up in less than an hour and He came out of the guest room a few minutes ago in a brand new suit. Red tie today.

They bleed, guys. Human weapons in the hands of Eldys can make others bleed.



We're all alive. We've got someone to fucking thank and some lucky stars or something because I don't even know how the fuck what just happened is even survivable

I might curl into a ball and cry. Or vomit.

And Jesus the smell of that shit is so strong

Matt's getting some samples of it, Slender's washing Himself off outside, and Lya's taking care of Rake

Oh God Rake

It's all my fault I don't want him to die I don't want him to die please I don't want him to die


Saturday, September 17, 2011

Fuck that

Rake is outside screaming in rage and pain, Matt and Lya have out the big guns, Slender is pissed to hell, the big kids have wedged something against the doors to keep me in

And ///It/// is outside right now.

Fuck all of this. Whatever happens now I am fucking SICK of this wannabe prickstain. I'm going downstairs to get a knife and so help me God something will break, be it the door, whatevers blocking it, or my shoulder.

Peace out bitches. Here's hoping we're all still here tomorrow.



The Hiatus continues, it seems.

First off, to whoever sent the Luka video link: didn't really see anything weird. But good song. And the barbed wire was a lovely touch.

So today, we went to see Contagion. And holy shit I loved it. And I cried. And laughed. And got really really pissed off at Jude Law's character. That movie was scarier than most horror movies.

But now Rake's being a hypochondriac baby and not letting anybody near him. Don't think Eldys can catch human diseases, so he's either being dramatic for the sake of humor or a total pussy. I asked Slender what He thought...He was standing a few yards away. Walked over to ask Him, He Offscreen Teleported when I blinked.

I am surrounded by Eldritch Pussies.

Who wants to be the tall bitch is gonna just walk in here any moment wearing a surgical mas





Monday, September 5, 2011


School's back in here, the woods are once again quiet, and the proxy wars are still on a sort of hiatus. Slender seems bored recently, but we're still, as one commenter said, distracting the big guy.

Rake's been content. He mostly naps, eats, or watches me mess around on Tumblr.

And there's been a stir in the comments: somebody's gone over to the ///It/// side. BAD idea. We haven't seen anybody, but as far as we know ///It/// can transfer "invisibility" as well.


Now if you'll excuse me, we've got a horror movie to watch.


Thursday, August 4, 2011

The past week

Slender's been quiet about this whole thing. Hasn't left any dead proxies around, no innocents running around town screaming about somebody creeping in their windows. I'm pretty sure He was just trying to remind us to stay on our toes about this whole thing. Sandra was absolutely pissed. Ran out after Him with a claw hammer. Ended up on the roof screaming obscenities. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

Rake's been on edge for awhile. He's not afraid of Slender, but he doesn't like for Him to get too close. Other than that, it's been relatively normal around here.

That isn't going to last long, is it.


Saturday, July 30, 2011


Our computer isn't letting us post comments on any blogs. So this'll have to do.

I lulled you into a false sense of security, it seems. He wants everyone to know damn well that "lesser of two evils" is still evil. I'm so, so sorry, guys.

Take care of Drew, and stay as far away from Him as possible. Let's hope that He'll settle for hurting you to get the message across. If He tries again, I'll have to do something drastic.


Friday, July 29, 2011

Wait, what?

Jack, what happened? What did He do to Drew? What the hell is going on?


Monday, July 25, 2011

Back Home

Hopefully, some of you follow my Tumblr and got our update on Slendy's new trick. If not, then know He can apparently transfer His ability to remain unnoticed by humans to Rake. And, as we found out firsthand yesterday, other people.

Sorry we haven't updated here, the computer at the house we were staying in was being a bit bitchy with blogger and, towards the end, Tumblr.

We were down in a suburb near Houston because Lya was housesitting for some friends of her family. Matt took Lya down to meet them, waited until they left for their vacation, and came back up to bring me down to avoid the slight chance that they might recognize me. Went to a July 4th carnival for some fireworks and rides and nummy funnel cake (where we found out about the "invisibilty" transfer), then visited Schlitterbahn Galveston on Friday, which was fun but lead to agonizing sunburn.

Matt was going to bring me back here on Saturday, and picked up an old school friend of his who lived an hour away from us and was visiting his parents for the weekend to take him home (he had never met me before, but to be cautious Matt called me "Cassie"). We were about an hour into the trip when the friend got a call and found out his mother had died in an accident (not Slender-related).

Matt dropped me off with Lya and went with his friend to make sure he was okay. Slender and Rake, who were staying with Lya for the extra day, seemed confused. I told them what happened. Rake actually looked a little sad, but Slender was too busy trying to figure out how we'd get out because the homeowners were going to get back the next afternoon. We decided to leave early in the morning and drop me off in the town so Matt could come back and get Lya so I wouldn't be seen.

We didn't expect them to get back early.

Rake woke me up around 9. I felt kinda disoriented, like walking underwater, and the edges of my vision were blurry. I got dressed and ran downstairs and HOLY SHIT WHY ARE THEY HERE.

I froze up for a bit but Slender made me keep moving. I tried sneaking around for the first few minutes, but Rake tugged on the bottom of my jeans and said "t͙͚̺̫͇̘̪̫̂̍ͤ͛̋̀h̡̨͕̭̲̠̩̀͐͆ͫ͑̉͆͐͊͢ĕ͍̞̝̯͚̘ͥ́̎ͥ̾̀̚͜͠y̧̺̮͍͕͓ͨͣ ̢̟̮̝͕̺̠̱͈̌ͤ̂̄́c̸̠̫͚̖̩̱̱̄͒̈ͫͮ̿ͤ͆a̡͕̮͛̌͜n͍̟̝̱̻͇̓̒͊̈̔̽̽͟͝t̷̬̻͙͔̱̬͌ͦ̿̿ͥ̓̆̈́̚͡ ̭͙͚̼̹̰͔̻̃ͩ̅ͮ͒s̶̮̰̭̲̬̯͙͒ͭͭͯ̕e̡͖̯̫͚͌͊̃̊͑͋̂ͦ͆́e̡̧̳̬͖̭͉̪͂̀͞ ̷̯͓̝͔̪̹̳̦̽̈͌͋͌͛̎ỳ̛̼̬̺͕̠̻̀̏̔͝͞o̠̫͈̦͈̜̬͋ͯͫȕ̺̖̖̰͇̲̓ͤ̇ͮͧ̔̉̕" (I told you, he sounds like he speaks Zalgotext).

Slender can make humans unnoticeable. Hello paranoia, how have you been my dear old friend?

I was able to walk around, run up and downstairs, take my stuff out to the car, not a peep out of Lya's friends. It was like we were a walking background event. Rake and I hopped in, Lya said goodbye, and we were out. The weird sensation didn't drop until we were out of the city limits.

Holy shit that was so unreal...


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

So quiet...

Thankfully, the reports of dead bodies and beaten proxies are waning. Only two in the past month. Still too risky to go out in the woods much, though we did take Sandra to see Super 8 the other day. Cool movie, very much Stand By Me meets Cloverfield.

We also finally got around to watching District 9. I take no shame in admitting that the little baby alien made me cry. Fucker was adorable. "We're the same! =) " I'm gonna go eat ice cream and sob about my lack of cute younger siblings now.

Rake's still acting like a curious little pupple half the time. The other half he talks, and that voice is damn scary. Sandra puts it as "spoken Zalgo-text". Fitting.

And Sandy's well. She could do without all the Tumblr talk of Slender's Memetic Molestation and Rake's potential to become one. Deauuurgh.

Monday, June 13, 2011


So Matt has a spontaneous adventurous side. Who knew.

Apparently his dad does, because on Thursday out of nowhere "HAY SON WANNA BORROW THA BOAT MEHBEH TAKE LYA ON A LAKE TRIP" "WHY HELL YES I WOULD LAIKE TO DADDAY."

And since I can't be left alone in a house full of weapons with the Rake, I had to go along. At least we got to take Preston and Blitz. But of fucking course Slender followed and Rake might have stowed away in the truck bed, he still isn't explaining how he got there.

Thankfully I had a day to prepare (i.e. eat a whole fucking grocery store) so I actually had a little meat on the bones and didn't look completely skeletal. Some of the people in neighboring cabins seemed a little freaked out by how thin I was, but seeing me omnom a shitload and not immediately run off to throw it all up seemed to have alleviated said concerns.

Speaking of omnomage, Rake tried out more human foods. Very much likes snack items. Tried adding rat poison to several, but the fuckwit seems immune.

And we went to Babe's. OBBY WE HAD FUCKING BABE'S.

Look it up. Holy SHIT their chicken fried steak....Rake enjoyed it as well. Hate him just a little less.


And forgive my Superjail! sadfacing last night. We...we're all just so HURT...


Okay Then

Full post will have to wait until tomorrow.

As I am currently lying on the floor twitching and sobbing crying out for the Warden to come baaaaaaaack.

Rake may or may not have set up a shrine; this shit is so fucking ridiculous DAMMIT CHRISTY KARACAS.


Sunday, June 12, 2011


Sorry for the absence.

Spontaneous weekend boating trip.

Full post after showers and napping and aloe.



Sunday, June 5, 2011


Fuck everyone's couch.

School's out here.

That means screaming kids running around the woods during a turf war. FUCK.

But from what I've seen, both Eldrys are toning it down to minor ambushes at night and just trying to piss each other off instead of the glorious West Side Story battles they used to have. Powerful as they are, neither wants to be exposed to the masses.

Rake's getting along better. Still a little fuckwit, but better. He likes human food. Especially popcorn. Sadly, my saltybutterpocalypse mix still hasn't killed him. Fucker's got him a tolerance.

Still accepting emails on CellarDoor-X-@hotmail.com

And still being an idiot on Tumblr. Where the fuck has this thing been all my life?


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Scribe Sigma


What the hell?

Slender and Rake I know, Shadow People and the Black Dog I've heard of, and I know about Redlight, but all of those other things...scary. So far I've only encountered two, I sure as hell don't want any others to come knocking.

And the Grand Game mentioned (I apologize for any of you who just lost)...Slender and Rake are meant to be opponents? They certainly don't act like it here. Slender doesn't seem one to compete, save for challenges ///It/// makes, and Rake seems little more than a sapient puppy.

But I digress.

Two new letters sent to CellarDoor-X-@hotmail.com

One from Blue Rose, who lives near and wants to meet me. Good idea or terrible?

And one from Sean, who has coexisted peacefully with not only Him but a proxy as well for seven years. He ended the letter informing me that he asked Slender to kill him. Mercy kill, kid had cancer. Asked me to give Him a hand-rolled cigarette. 

I did, and called Him "Skinny". He took it, and seemed to be lost in thought.

I wonder if He thinks about any of us when He's finished with us.

On a different note, link to my Tumblr under the blog name. Mostly just an average teenage girl tumblr, just with a few mentions of the weirdos whenever their exploits aren't grand enough to warrant a blog post.


Tuesday, May 24, 2011



We almost got tornado'd in the ass.

At first we just went out on the porch admiring the hailstones (ping-pong sized). Rake watched from the windows, because apparently the earlier storm where the lights went out was indeed funfunfunFUN for him outside...

So we're oohing and ahhing, admiring the stones...


Wellup, we're either in Silent Hill or there's a pissed off wind formation heading our way.

We booked it into the cellar with the animals and the weirdos. I'm in there dual-wielding Preston and my inhaler, Lya's snuggling with Blitz off in Don'tGiveAFuck Corner, Matt's just lying there bored, and Rake's glancing around the room looking for a place to hang out.

Slender found a spare chalkboard. Three guesses as to what the fucker wrote. First two don't count.



Asked Him why he ignores spaces here. He shrugged. I'm thinking He's just trying to piss us off.

Storm ends. Happyfacing resumes.

Got two emails so far on CellarDoor-X-@hotmail.com . One from Aiden of IdyllicClone who seems to be living in a 'safe zone', one from Alex, who was saved by Slender but is now beng stalked because he attacked Him instead of sending a thank-you note. (Seriously what does the big fucker expect, He's TERRIFYING, nobody's gonna react by pledging undying allegiance or with gift baskets...) Love received, buddies. Thanks for the well-wishing and 10x back to you.

Keep it up, guys.


(Oh, and Trinity? Yup. Rake got scared by a fucking toaster. Hilarity ensued.)




~Jack's OK, and he's back, OK
He's all right
Let's shout, make a fuss
Scream it out, wheee
Jack is back now, everyone sing
In our town of Hal-~...

...Well fuck. Not really a town so much as an interconnecting web of blogs.

Saturday, May 21, 2011


Where in the fuck is everyone? All I've seen the past two weeks is Rose.

Jack? You still okay? Or can't get to a computer? Ava?


Shit. All this quiet is freaking me out.

Anything but quiet out here on the Slendy-///It/// homefront. Slenderproxies tried to ambush some ///It///derps the other day, but were counterattacked. Slender shooed us out, and we came back to find the words bitchbitchbitchbitchBITCH all over the chalkboard, a whole pack of chalk crushed into dust into the carpet, and the big boy perusing my bookshelf nonchalantly looking for something that wasn't a dimestore horror book or untouched Harry Potter/heavily worn at the spine Artemis Fowls.

Fucker broke my chalk.

Rakeass has been pretty tame. He tried to apologize the other day; chucked a bowl of popcorn at the sunuvabitch. He started sniffing at it. I think he's new to human food. I hope the salt I all but soak my popcorn in gives the arm-cutting shitter a coronary.

Bitter? Me? Fuck no.

He's quite like a man-puppy. Runs around nekkid sniffing shit and sitting by the couch when we play games or watch tv. And by sitting, I mean his limbs are all over the fucking place. I think he's quadruple jointed or something. Or has no bones at all. Though he is skinny enough for his ribs to stick out. So maybe he should be eating human food....A SKINNY PERSON IN 'MERICA? Get tha fuck out.

Am I rambling? Yeah.

And when I say puppy, I mean it. After another attempt at apologizing (I SWEAR when he talks I imagine he speaks in Zalgo text...IT'S LIKE AUDIO DISTORTION AS A LANGUAGE, ENUNCIATE YOUR WORDS, ASSHOLE) I told him he shouldn't have even tried it in the first place; Slendeytentacle out of nowhere bopped him on the head. I think that noise he made was a whimper. Or Hell. Either works.

Bet the Eldritch Abomination version of Facebook will never let this down. "Rake you silly fucker you tried to mess with that bitch? YOU CRAZEH? Bitch taunts fucking Slender, what the hell did you think would happen, she'd thank you and that mentally challenged chicken of hers would shit rainbows?"

...I need medication.

Also, please note that subconjunctival hemorrhages are NOT FUN. MY EYES ARE CURSED. This is the only one I have left an it decides 'lolfucku' and bleeds inside for no reason? What? Caused by stress? DO I SOUND LIKE I'M STRESSED MOTHERFUCKER DO YOUR JOB AND DON'T MAKE ME LOOK LIKE I TOKED UP FIVE MINUTES AGO!


Certainly, I can't be the only one who deals with shit like this. I've heard several whispers and rumors about the Slendercommunity that He's been altruistic to others. Anybody know anything? Stories they want told? Anyone with previous encounters with ///It/// or the Rake(bitch)?

Comment. Give us something to work with. Even if you heard it from your aunt's cousin's friend's neighbor's brother's proctologist. Long-ass story or timeline that would fit better in a full blogpost? Blog or site pertaining to the situation? Email me.


My hotmail. The blog's registered under Lya's, and she doesn't want to fish through a bajillion messages if we get a response.



Friday, May 6, 2011

Aw shit.

In hindsight, we should've predicted something like this. I mean, if the Rake is indeed curious enough to come see what the fuss over Sandra is about, why wouldn't he be curious enough to "leave his mark"?

I knew he was able to get in the house somehow; I saw him in here yesterday. He was just sitting on the couch, looking curiously at Blitz, who was lying on the floor generally not caring that he was being stared at. I said out loud that if he even thought about it I would sit on him. He looked up and tilted his head curiously. Dammit there was so much deja vu from the early days with Slender. Except the Rake actually has a face. Sort of. Up close, his eyes are ginormous. Not really a visible nose, or any lips to indicate a mouth, though I think I saw him drinking some water out by the creek earlier this week.

Anyways, onto the story. And prepare the mistrust cannons, because WOUND'T YA FUCKING KNOW IT, Sandy appears to be immune to the Rake as well.

"Ohmaigod what the hell is up with her why is she immune is she really working with them to kill people is she not human is she the physical embodiement of all things Sue-"


"Hey wait what is there to be immune to?"

Oh Idunno, maybe whatever it is that kept Alex from waking up while his arms were cut all to hell?

If you just paused for a second before muttering "Oshit", you see where this is going.

We all wake up around an hour ago because dammit we still haven't gotten used to horrific screams in the night. We run into Sandra's room.

The Rake is against the far wall looking from his claws to Sandra's arm wondering what the fuck was happening, Slender is next to Sandra trying to pry her wounded arm away from the grip of her other hand so He can examine it while simultaneously shooting invisible daggers at the befuddled Rake, Preston's having a panic attack in his cage, but is unseen due to the blanket draped over it. Blitz is just lying down in the doorway wondering who dares raise hell in his domain.

Sandra now has one deep, but relatively small gash across her right arm. And is pissed beyond all reason, calling Mr. Rake everything but a good ol' boy and threatening the shoving of very many large items up very many small holes.

He's sitting in the living room now. Still looks confused. If it wasn't for the annoyance he caused, his look of pure befuddlement would be funny as hell.


Thursday, May 5, 2011

Saw It

And heard it.

It was only a split second...

He's a LOT scarier in person, let me tell you. Of course, pale nekkid things with huge ass claws darting past while whispering out in the language of the elder gods adds to said freak the fuck out factor, but I digress.

Slender seems annoyed, but not incredibly pissed, so I have a feeling the Rake isn't as big of a problem as the proxies and ///It///.

Matt said he saw it resting on a tree branch outside. Just lounging.

I repeat. The FUCKING RAKE is lounging around Slenderturf like Douchebag Steve.

...Slender you sonofabitch you were supposed to kill me last year.


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Near Miss


Welcome to East Texas. =D

I have survived Slendysickness, attempted rape, a car accident, ///It///-kidnapping, attempted Proxy-kidnappings, attempted murders, Slendydeath-faking, and Preston, and the last hour scared the shit out of me like I've never even thought possible.

The wind made me its bitch.

For those who don't live in Texas, we just got out of some severe thunderstorms that MIGHT have made tornados. Maybe. Still fuzzy.

I was halfway through Spoony's SWAT 4 walkthrough when the power just fucking left. A little something you might not be aware of: the dark, especially when enveloping you with no warning, IS FUCKING TERRIFYING. I still sleep with hallway lights on or the TV. Panic ensued. Lya and Matt were shouting at me to head for the cellar, Preston was having a fit, the wind was screaming, and I was in full on Freak the Fuck Out mode. Then I saw a little beam of light in the hallway and thought, for half a second, "fuck it finally happened I died".

It was Slender. Carrying a flashlight. Crimes against human existance be damned I almost hugged the son of a bitch.


He handed me the light and followed Preston and I to the cellar. Matt, Lya, and Blitz were already waiting. Slender stayed outside in case any Proxies were stupid enough to try to break in.

I was born in Texas, and raised here for seven years, but I've never had such a close call. The constant moves around the country always managed to avoid crazy storms like this. So I did what came naturally. I freaked the almighty fuck out.

Thankfully, it didn't last long. Winds died down, He knocked on the door, angels sang.

...I fucking hate Texas weather.


Friday, April 22, 2011

Relatively Quiet

Believe it or not, despite the continual proxy wars, Sandra managing to get out every few nights and coming back with no memory, and, you know, a tentacled man wandering around, it's been pretty calm here.

We've gone out to see some movies, played around in the woods, normal shit we used to do before our lives revolved around keeping Sandra hidden and trying to simultaneously fend off ///It/// and stay on His do-not-slaughter list.

Speaking of the big guy, He's been more taciturn than usual recently. You'd think the constant ass-whupping of His little soldiers would have Him on edge, or at least a little more bloodstained than usual, but...nope. Just watching from the trees or standing in doorways or behind couches during bouts of videogames and tv. We'd normally find it unsettling but we're kinda grateful. As long as there's no dead children being used to take out His frustrations, so be it. Hell, it's what we're good at now, watching for patterns yet inwardly sighing with relief when He deviates in a peaceful way. We're Watchers. Or Avoid-Getting-Fucked-Up-ers.

Sandra, however, has been a bit high-strung. By that, we mean more child-at-heart-ish. While still keeping her daily swear average steady. She chased around a butterfly for about half an hour, then shrieked like a damn banshee when Slender caught it in His fist, thinking He'd crush it.

He just opened His hand, looked it over for a bit, and let it go.

He's so calm recently He can't even be fucked to kill a butterfly.

...How do you take a whole bottle of Xanax without a mouth?

I'm just hoping things stay quiet. Proxy Wars be damned, things are almost idyllic here.

Okay, hang on, Slender's outside and His tentacles are out. He does not look happ

What the fuck-something just ran through the bushes.

I don't think it was ///It////...

I'm pretty sure ///It/// still wears clothes...

Goddammit Matt, you just HAD to tempt fate.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011



Sandra's a little on edge now, just check the newest London Librarian. It's not the "Egyptian God" theory that caught her attention, so much as the "Operator Symbol = His Name" theory.

But enough about that for now, she'll probably butthurt over it next time she posts. For now, my kitty.

He's about 23 pounds. He is a huge motherfucker. Look. LOOOOOK.

And Preston hates him.

I asked my cousin to send more pictures from when I went to pick him up, so there'll probably be more later.

That's my disembodied arm petting him, by the way.


Thursday, March 31, 2011

The past few weeks

Calm your tits, Maduin, nobody cut Sandy. Just some old stitches that popped open at a baaaaad time, but more on that later.

So yes, we're all still alive (somehow...). It's just been really quiet the past few weeks. We had spring break two weeks ago, and with all the kids and teens running around the woods for scavenger hunts and shit the proxies were smart enough to keep to the shadows. We've meant to update, but always ended up putting it off or expecting one of the others to do it. Besides, there really wasn't too much happening in the way of Slendickery.

But Sandra nearly had a giraffe when she realized, on St. Patty's Day, that Slender wasn't wearing green.

Lya and I were only out for an hour. When we left, Sandra was fresh out of the shower watching tv.

When we got back, she was covered in mud and water up on the roof, screaming at Slender, who was standing just out of reach, to "get the fuck back here and take the pinching like a MAN."

Preston was locked in the bathroom. In the toilet.

...Yeah, as amusing as it sounds? Lya was just as confused/annoyed.

So finally, the week ended, the kids were back in school, Sandra was itching to run around barefoot re-enacting The Path (minus the creepy imagery and implied-but-totally-happened statutory rape)...

...And she got sick.

So many curse words.

And last week, because the past few days hadn't been derp enough, Lya's sister asked her a favor. She lives up in OK, and was moving into an apartment with her new fiance, buuuuut...the building doesn't allow pets. So she asked Lya to take her cat. Enter Blitz, an obese, don't-give-a-FUCK cat. Lya was a little reluctant but decided hey, maybe we'd luck out and he'd eat Preston.

How fat this cat is? Sandra first saw him and literally screamed "A wild Snorlax appears!" And...well, yeah, she wasn't exaggerating that much.

Preston, however, did not approve of this fuckery, and charged at Blitz shrieking like a banshee....then skidded to a stop when Blitz just looked at him and growled a little in his throat. You ever seen a silkie chicken pull a 180 going full speed and nearly hit a wall running out? Yep. Blitz made Preston his bitch.

He now sleeps at the foot of Lya's bed.

And back to the stitches.

Last night, Sand took some nyquil and headed off to bed early. I went in around 5 this morning to check on her, and the stitches in her left eye had popped.

Let me tell you something about Sandra; she doesn't like fake eyes. They freak her out a little. She wears one just in case her stitches do pop, so that we don't have to stare into the abyss. Except it's blank white, because it doesn't show enough for it to actually look like an eye.


I feel no shame upon confessing that I screamed like a little bitch.

The commotion woke her up, and her first instinct was to rub her eyes sleepily. Bad idea.

The fake eye popped out.

I repeat.



Oh hello, improbably-high-pitched-effeminate-shriek-of-horror, my old friend, how've you been?

So I'm screaming and backpedaling, Lya's walking in to see what's going on with Blitz following at her heels, Preston's backing up and hissing because he and Blitz don't play nice, and Slender's watching from the window, probably laughing internally.

Sandra started cursing, got Preston to calm down, and told Slender that it wasn't funny, and if He ever mentioned it on the chalkboard or told the proxies, she would shove a cherry bomb up His urethra.

No. We are not discussing whether or not He has genitalia. Moving on.

So Lya stitched the eye back up, Sandy's back in bed, and Lya's poking Blitz while showering him with cuddles and tickles. Meanwhile, I'm desperately trying to get the images out of my head. Any suggestions? Acid? Bleach? The blood of a Kardashian?


I'll get back to you guys later

Right now we have an obese cat napping on the couch, Slender's prowling around in the woods, and Sandra's inventing curses we've never even thought possible while Lya tries to restitch her eye.

Dammit, why is this shit pretty much routine around here?!


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Better now

It's been so quiet here.

Ava's back.

And Drew...

Whenever you get back to Jack and Steph, you better get your asses over to the Oklahoma house. You were taken before we could meet you.

We'll find you a late Christmas present.

Welcome back.


Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Yeah. We heard about what happened to Ava.

Thankfully, some dumbass proxies were around, so we had an outlet for our rage.

Of course, when I stepped out and told them to get the fuck out, they started laughing.

Then Lya stepped out. Lya. The serious business woman built like a fridge with a baseball bat. That's when it stopped being funny. Some of them had the sense to run off, but a handful liked their chances against two very unathletic girl and a guy with one arm.

One of them tackled me while the others were preoccupied and tried to cuff me, and she said she wasn't stupid enough to get rid of me without His approval.

Yep. Sure enough, Mr. Fuckstick was watching. If my hands weren't held back, I would've flipped so many birds PETA would shit a palace.

So I was pinned, Matt was held up, and Lya was beating the shit out of one of them. When she was done with that, she ran over and kicked the girl holding me down in the ribs. Little bitch went flying like a ragdoll. I swear I heard some ribs cracking.

Apparently, one of the other proxies was either a family member or boyfriend, because he did NOT approve. He moved faster than I've ever seen someone that big go, and bitchslapped Lya across the face.

When asked later, Matt swore he could actually see red.

We kinda figured so much when he charged the proxy, put him down, started smashing his leg with the bat Lya dropped, and then brought his hunting boots down on the bastard's crotch. Multiple times. With his friends watching from the woods and Slender probably laughing His ass of inwardly.

So most of the Masked Morons ran for their shit, while Bondage Bitch stumbled off gasping for breath and the Dickless Wonder crawled off.

Damn. I've never seen Matt get that violent before. And he wasn't playing around, he was actually snarling. If Lya hadn't gotten back up and pulled him away I wouldn't have been surprised to see him pull off his prosthetic and beat the guy to death with it.

Suddenly I feel a lot safer.


Friday, February 18, 2011

Bwoashit what now?

Okay, I'm a leeeetle stupid right now, since I have a BIGASS MIGRAINE ready to explode my brains out of my ears, but Ava and her mother are in America, correct?

...Ava. DON'T come to East Texas, especially to a small town only a few miles from DFW. Unless you want to wrench off the testicles of a few warring factions of proxies, then by all means.

But seriously, though, the weird shit keeps on happening. In other words...HOW THE SWEET FUCK DO I KEEP MANAGING TO TAKE OUT THOSE PEOPLE?! Some are even showing up with bullets in their hands and legs, and I couldn't shoot a gun for shit even when I still had depth perception! THE HELL ASS BALLS?!

And whatever the fuck is outside that keeps doing that to me is still a complete mystery. And all that shit about animals being able to detect creepy shit is wrong, because Preston doesn't even so much as bash his head against a wall whenever it happens. Oh sure, they can tell when one of the Big Boys or their groupies are around, but not whatever it is that's doing this? FUCK.


Not much else has been happening here, though. I managed to convince Matt and Lya that fuck everything, they deserved to go out and have a nice Valentine's dinner.

So they went. After making sure every door and window was locked, save for a tiny attic window that I tried to peg proxies with tennis balls from. But, of course, since I wasn't possessed or brainwashed or whatever the hell I am when I put them down, I missed. And they laughed at me. So I threw a flashbang, and laughed my ass off as the stupid bastards stumbled into trees.

And when the big kids got back, they brought me a big ass teddy bear. Like, four feet of huggably soft derpery. And some Long John Silvers.


Love you guys.


Except for proxies, because I swear to God if those stupid bastards don't learn to stop congregating near our house...


Saturday, February 12, 2011


This is for Ava. And Reach. And those three dead bodies in a burnt house in England.

For all of them.

You stupid fucking coward. Leaving a Valentine's Day card? So cliche. You're losing your touch.

I've got a bad temper, and don't enjoy when my friends are fucked with.

And if I can't reach you, Redlight, I can reach to your brothers in arms. Maybe you'll feel less safe with numbers dwindling and less underlings who can be used as shields and backup when you actually have the balls sufficient for a confrontation.


They're back outside.

I'm not as afraid this time.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What Happened

...Sandra took out three proxies last night.

Matt's dad called back; turns out the three they had found were tied up and waiting for authorities in the playground outside the hospital. They were babbling about being "jumped by a little girl with a fucked up eye". They didn't answer any questions about who they were or what they were doing, just that they were in an argument when "a young teenage girl tasered one, then proceeded to attack the others". They said they tried to pin her and fight her off, but "she darted around like a fucking snake. She was so fucking fast!" They were then knocked out by several blows and tazes, and woke up tied to a park bench.

Matt's dad didn't believe them, just thought they got drunk and were fooling around with other drunken idiots and got in a fight, mainly because he couldn't imagine a tiny girl taking them down when one of them was built like a friggin' fridge. Six feet, two hundred pounds, claiming a teenager came out of nowhere kicking and tazing.

We were a strange mixture of stunned and pissed.

We went to confront her about why she would do something so reckless, but...she seemed confused. At first she didn't remember, saying she felt like she had the mother of all hangovers, then it hit her and she said, "...What the fuck was I doing out there?!"

From what she says, she can remember everything that happened vividly. She stepped outside after writing the last post, then, for some reason, went back inside, grabbed a taser, some rope, and a knife to cut the rope with, and fought the first group of warring proxies she saw. She just can't remember why she did it.

And we have no idea how she could elude those guys, she's always been notoriously shitty at athleticism. Can only sprint about ten to fifteen seconds before having to sit down and hyperventilate, couldn't throw footballs properly, couldn't play goalie during soccer, always lost matches in karate classes. Hell, her hand-eye coordination's not too terrible from playing so many videogames, but that doesn't explain how she could full on Matrix every punch thrown at her. She used to be in dance classes for lyrical, but I highly doubt she pirouette'd them unconscious.

When we asked her what was outside, what she was writing about in the message, she just stared and murmured, "Nothing. Nothing was outside. It wasn't Him, or ///It///, or anybody. Nothing was there."

...She is the creepiest bitch I have ever known in my entire life.



Where did the cuts and bruises come from?

The proxies said they were unable to hit her. The big one grabbed her arm, and she's got the marks to prove it, but she managed to windmill free. So where did the other wounds come from?

She was acting tranced out, so maybe she didn't notice she was getting scratched by tree limbs or stumbled over or into rocks or stumps, but it doesn't explain the large bruise she found on her back. She said it was possible she got scratched and bumped into things, but the bruise looked like she would've had to fall backwards, and hard. She has no recollection, and doesn't think it was possible. Sandra's got a really low pain tolerance, she stubs her toe and she hits the fucking floor.

So while she was running through the forest and fighting, she would've had to have gained a higher pain tolerance, and have blacked out long enough to have fallen backwards, either onto a smooth rock or icy ground, or from an elevation.

Did it happen when she went outside to find nothing?

What the hell is going on?

The Message

We didn't understand what it meant either.

Shortly after writing it, Sandra dissapeared from the house. We were out looking all night, until the bad weather forced us back in a few hours ago.

She came back not five minutes later, holding a taser, a clean knife, and a few lengths of ropes. She was covered in minor cuts and bruises, and she was staring blankly in front of her. We tried to ask what happened, but she walked right past us, took a shower, and then went to bed, all with the same look in her eyes.

While she was in bed, Slender peeked into the window, the first time He's been here since the turf war started. Without even turning over to look at Him, Sandra muttered "Three down, two yours."

He stood there for a few minutes, and then dashed off. She smiled a little, then passed out.

My dad called a few minutes ago, and said they found three more "psychos", but something was up. He had to go before he could tell me what, though.

...What the hell happened last night?


Tuesday, February 8, 2011


He sent them there a few months before I moved in with Lya, shortly after the accident.

He wanted to know if they were immune as well.

They weren't.

Lya woke up to find herself walking through a path from the school she used to go to to her house. Halfway there, she saw him.

The boy Slender had murdered the first time I saw Him.

I was going through those woods that day on a shortcut to get to the hospital where Lya was staying, after the boy, Kenneth, had attacked her. And attempted to rape her.

He was always a bully, and eighteen year old with sixteen year old twin brothers who would do anything to gain his favor. They ambushed her on the way home when she was only thirteen. If Matt hadn't come along when he did...

Nobody was brave enough to go to the cops. Those boys were strong, and determined to make the schools and woods there own little playground. Kenneth was a sick little bastard, and if he went to jail, his brothers would immediately go after us.

It wasn't until Ken was found in the tree that his brothers fessed up. We were finally rid of him, and while everyone was scared of what might have done it, nobody felt bad. He was hated. And he was gone.

But Lya saw him in the Labyrinth, all cut out with organs dripping, but the illusion, in her own words, "was just so real...he..grinned like a filthy old man, said 'c'mere, sweety, got something real nice for ya, little bitch' like he said that day..."

He chased her, and she almost ran straight into the creek while stuck in the delusion.

But she saw something else. She still hasn't told me what, but it was something strong enough to bring her out of the Labyrinth and back to reality. It was enough to convince Him that, while she wasn't immune, being in close proximity to Him for extended periods while caring for me wouldn't drive her mad.

I moved in about two months later.

While she was stuck, on the other side of town, He tested Matt, after learning he was planning to move in with Lya to help out when I arrived.

Matt went from working out in the yard to watching a sick, decaying infection slowly spread up his left arm. When big enough holes started ripping in the flesh, maggots started pouring out from inside. In a panic, unable to realize that it was an illusion, he went over to a tablesaw in his father's shed. In his mind, he was convinced the necrotic worms were going to spread up his arm and infect the rest of him.

Lya found him a few minutes later, after rushing over to tell him about her experience. He was about to cut even more off, but she managed to clear his head and wake him up.

Matt's arm had to be cut off at the elbow. Lya was able to call in a favor from one of her uncles working for a prosthetics company, and managed to hook Matt up with a hybrid myoelectric/body-powered prosthetic. He only ever takes it off at night, and never when others visit. He says acknowledging it means admitting Slender took something away from us.

That's why they believed me when I first told them. That's why they've so readily accepted that He hovers over us like a cloud.

They don't care that He did it because of me. The say that I shouldn't take responsibility for the actions of something I can't control.

But it still feels wrong...


There's something outside.

It's not Them.

It's not one of Their's.

Sunday, February 6, 2011


Sorry for the lack of posting. Shit around here's been hectic, and our computer decided to throw a massive bitch fit in the middle of it all.

We've seen proxies of both running around through the woods. It looks like a Masquerade marathon out there at times. We even saw someone in a Guy Fawkes mask. He got too close to the house, and Sandra almost set him on fire. They didn't pay much attention to us after that.

A handful of them have been found dead, more of them injured. Dad's pissed because they always manage to escape the hospital before he can get any answers.

And Ava's back, and still out kicking ass.

Also, about the last post...Lya was exaggerating a little. I only lost my forearm in the Labyrinth, not the whole thing like her phrasing might suggest. All things considered, I'm surprised she managed to stay so calm as she typed it out. Mention of that particular brand of Slendickery normally pisses her off beyond control.

It's not a fun place.


Thursday, February 3, 2011

Shut the door

Ava's in trouble.

He's messing with her. Something's up with Reach.

The illusion can be shattered. She can break out.

Tell her. Encourage her, please.

You can make it out unharmed. Sometimes, things are lost.

Some lost their lives. Matt was lucky enough to only lose an arm.

I made it out perfectly fine.

It's possible, Ava.

Close the doors. Push Him aside.

Walk past Him.

Break His grasp.


Wednesday, February 2, 2011


They aren't sure how many more have been found, since most of them are in pieces.

Matt's father confirmed that they aren't from town, but they can't get a positive ID on any of them. Some of the ten in the trees were indentified as people from all different areas of the state. They hadn't even been reported missing, they were at their houses one moment, here the next. And apparently some had Slenderjunk lying around their houses when the police searched.

The mutilated ones, however, seem to have been killed with a different MO in mind. The only full body, and by full I mean her parts were separated but placed next to each other, had the arms bent at set intervals, with the bones snapped clean to bend.

We found the ///It/// symbol carved into a rock outside our house.

Two intensely terrifying eldritch abominations may or may not have started a turf war in our town.

Fucking hell.


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Bloody Snow

And not as in "aw, dammit, it's snowing."

I mean ACTUAL blood in the snow.

Yep, more dead people in the trees.

Not sure if they were Runners, proxies, or innocent bystanders, but Jesus it looked like a battlefield out there.

Not many people were out there braving the roads, even though it wasn't that much. In Texas even half an inch is enough to turn decent people in to terrified savages freaking right the fuck out and trashing the grocery store. And the corpses all over the place didn't make it any better. You'd think we spontaneously became the cast of 40 Days of Night the way people are acting out there.

When Matt and I were out we counted at least ten bodies as they were taken down. Matt's father called and told us to lock the doors and windows and be on the lookout for suspicious persons.

Pfft. That's new.

When we got home Sandra was watching it on the news. We asked if she thought He was trying to get back at her for humiliating Him, and she didn't think so. In her own words, "this shit isn't new. It's what He does, how the hell is anything as trivial as me getting pissed gonna change that?"

She is right, though. As much as some people want to believe Sandra can control Him, she can't. He's just bringing us all along for the ride in an attempt to figure out why she didn't flip the fuck out and start keeping journals full of Operator Symbols ten years ago. Does that mean He won't kill her eventually? I doubt it. As curious as He seems to be around us, she's simply a lab mouse to study. And maybe we'll figure out how to prevent such a thing, maybe it's inevitable. For now we're just trying to give advice to others and fight off whatever comes our way.

Jesus. Ten fucking people.

You can watch a person die everyday and still not get used to it.


Saturday, January 29, 2011

Welcome Party

Last night, we watched Inception.

Nothing was on, sounded pretty cool, so why the hell not.

Well, halfway through, He came back for the first time in a few days.

Sandra paused the movies, walked into the kitchen, and made good on her promise in a previous post.

Have you ever seen a petite teenage girl in sock monkey footie pajamas beat the shit out of a tall faceless man in a business suit?

Because it's funny as all hell.

Of course it didn't hurt Him, but He was surprised. He kept backing up, then finally just picked her up by the scruff of the neck, and she spit in His nonexistant face.

He dropped her, and she tackled Him around the legs. Due to the speed at which everything was happening, He was caught off guard and fell backwards. So she's got Him pinned while slapping his shit, He's trying to get back up, and Preston's freaking right the fuck out with his feathers up and aiming at Slender's face.

And Lya and I just sat there watching. Because how in the hell do you react to something like that?

Finally, Sandra got up, threw the fish at His face, picked up Preston, and sat back down to finish the movie. The entire time the fight was going on, nobody said a word.

And we continued on as if nothing happened.

Good God this is our life now.


(As hilarious as it may sound?

Yeah, it was three times that much.)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

She's safe

Searching For Answers.

Go look.



It's been awhile since the tears around here were joyful, and dammit did I miss them.


Monday, January 24, 2011

A message for Slender



Swear to God, the moment that tall bastard gets back here I will beat Him over the head with an alaskan pollock.

A. Fucking. CHILD?!

Guh. What the fuck ever. Ava, all I can suggest is trying Jeff's method, so you've got it for now.

As for Mr. DICKNUGGET...

..fuck it. I'm pissed enough to rip His arms off.


Aaaaand I'mdone.





I was looking over hobo signs in the hopes that, if M ever made it to our neck of the woods, he would understand them and we could meet up to talk and enjoy some fucking good coffee.




(Now chillens, please remember that Auntie Sandy is a leeeeettle on edge right now. It's not okay to blame hobos for all your problems. Also WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING READING THIS BLOG THIS SHIT BE R-RATED FOR OVER THE TOP CURSING AND RANDOM FUCKERY. BEGOOOOOOOOOONE.)

Dammit I'm using way too much all-caps and curses...BUT I'M PISSED.)

Saturday, January 22, 2011


We still have no news on Stephanie. Shit.

And proxies here are few and far between. Maybe sitting a box of razor wire out in the window scared them off, maybe it's Sandra screaming out the lyrics to half the "Wicked" soundtrack inbetween encore performances of The Sun's Gone Dim and the Giga Pudding commercial. And her ranting about how the Kung Fu Panda cartoon should've aired by now.

Good God she is such a child.

So inbetween trying to figure out how to get Ava's earring back to her and getting Preston off the ceiling fan, Sand urged me to put up the picture of Spindly Deer I drew for her months ago.

Remember, she got pissed after reading the "Santa's Evil Counterpart" theory because Santa has eight or nine reindeer (depending on which movie/show you're watching and whether or not Rudolph is canon), so I drew a deer for Slender to get her to shut up. And now she's insisting I put it up. Whatever.

It has no mouth. Make of that what you will.

And yup, that's a teeny tiny Operator Symbol after it's name.



Monday, January 17, 2011

Call to arms

About three days ago, Stephanie from Scared went missing. We have no clue where she (or Jack, for that matter) is, nor whether or not she left of her own will or was taken by proxies, whether from Him or ///It///.


If you see any proxies, DETAIN. Don't kill unless attacked. Taze. Shoot to stun. We need information, and we need it now.

Stephanie is one of our own, a blogger and a runner just as we are. Let's try to avoid losing another family member.

And to all the blogging proxies out there...

This is a warning towards you. Some of you are smart enough to stay away. Others aren't. If we find you, we will catch you. We will interrogate you. If all else fails, we will find out who you are, where you're from, and take you home to face the authorities.

Give us reasons, try to harm us, and you won't have any options. We will kill you. And if we have to resort to using Slender to do so, then so be it. He won't leave us the fuck alone, might as well take what we can get.

I don't care if stating outright that we'll defend our physical wellbeing with deadly force makes us seem less trustworthy, or makes it seem we're stooping to their level.

I'm tired of watching people die and doing nothing.

Our arsenal is full of lethal and nonlethal weapons, and it's their choice which type we use.

I suggest the other runners prepare to fight, if only to save Stephanie.


Hoso, if you're reading this, don't give up.

I'm playing Resolve right now, because it gives me resolve.

Thank you for your music, and the inspiration that comes with it.

We're still listening.


Thursday, January 13, 2011


So. It appears we have a troll.

First off, when in the hell did it ever look like Sandra wanted in Slender's pants?! For Christ's sake, man, she's a teenager who lost her parents to the bastard! And apparently you didn't notice how freaked out she got when somebody mentioned that maybe she was His future bride, because she sure as hell wasn't too happy.

Second, it's pretty ballsy for you to accuse Him of being out of character when each of us have noticed Him acting differently in different situations. Hell, sometimes He doesn't even seem to have a personality, just a curiosity of humanity best expressed through killing people in sick sadistic ways.

Third, wow. Trying to get a rise out of her by posting what looks like Higurashi spoilers. Goddamn, you are so desperate to get us upset, aren't you.

Why don't you go back to bullying neighborhood kids. Or are you to afraid too be so bold when your face and name aren't hidden by a screen?


EDIT: Yes! Had to log out and back in to get the comment delete button back. Now we can let Sandra back on without worry about her getting pissed over the spoilers.

Sunday, January 9, 2011


It's snowing. Like, HARD.

Fucking Texas weather, how does it work.

Seriously, it's been, at most, an hour and a half, and the first half hour it just melted into the wet ground. Now everything looks like a goddamn frosted flake.


If you'll excuse me, I must go prepare to test my hypothesis that the ultimate weapon against Slender is snowballs. Snowmissiles. Snownukes, maybe.


Sunday, January 2, 2011



We're finally back. And I need a nap so hardcore.

Not much to report. Just the usual asshattery around the house, resetting security systems while Slender stalks around and Preston acts like a dumbass.

All things considered, Christmas with Jack and Stephanie wasn't too terrifying. Except for the video Jack described, but we left before I checked his blog and found out about it.

I'm sick as shit with all the drama ///It/// keeps bringing around.